Private Matters

O.J. Simpson had a press conference today concerning what he would have said if he had actually done anything wrong. Here is what he had to say:

Over the past twelve years, eight on the golf course and four at the beach, I’ve tried to find the true killers of my ex-wife. We vowed to find whoever did it and that will continue. Today, I want to briefly address a private matter. I have acted in a way that violated the obligations to my family and that violates my — or any — sense of right and wrong. I apologize first, and most importantly, to my family. I apologize to the public, to whom I promised better. I do not believe that naked gun movies in the long run are about individuals. It is about ideas, the public good and doing what is best for comedy. But I have disappointed and failed to live up to the standard that I expected of myself. I must now dedicate some time to regain the trust of my family. I will not be taking questions. Thank you very much. I will report back to you in short order. Thank you very much.

In other news, O.J. Simpson did not actually have a press conference, but Eliot Spitzer did. But don't worry, it was just about a private matter. I'm sure there might be a small article on the New York Times website if you are curious about his purely private matters.